


'Cuz The Hardest Part of This is Leaving You

by vvalormorghouliss



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, BAMF Bobbi Morse, F/M, Help, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury Recovery, Loss of confidence, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Divorce, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Recovery, Self-Hatred, Torture, True Love, big brother hunter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:16:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvalormorghouliss/pseuds/vvalormorghouliss
Summary: Bobbi and Hunter usually leave for missions without saying goodbye to each other. At least not verbally.A collection of Bobbi and Hunter writing letters for each other before they leave for missions.





	1. So Long, And Goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> First AOS fic! Also, I have every intention to continue this. They'll be some angst, they'll be some fluff. You'll just have to stick around.

They knew that being secret agents was dangerous. And as much as they liked (and pretended to hate) going on missions together, having each others back, Bobbi Morse and Lance Hunter knew that more often than not, they would part ways for missions. Back in their early days of marriage, goodbyes were a big deal, long kisses and death grip hugs, the passing of the key-chain, and a whispered  _ don’t die out there _ with a sad smile in the doorway. During the initial phase of the divorce, they still somehow managed to stay on top of the rituals, dropping the stupid key-chain off in a mailbox and a text message somewhere along the lines of  _ don’t die out there or I’ll come kill you again.  _ Than finally, years later, when they were kind of a couple, living together most of the time, came the letters. Whoever was staying behind would hide the key-chain with a letter, and the other would leave a quick response in its place. Bobbi rejected the idea at first, because who has time to write  _ letters _ , but she compiled solely for the reason that Jemma and Daisy thought that it was cute. The first letter was from Hunter, the Franny’s Saloon key-chain placed by the fruit bowl on the table, with a piece of torn-out notebook paper beside it. The paper read:

 

_ To my dearest demonic hell beast, _

_ This is kinda odd. I reckon I haven’t written a letter in years, and I can imagine you laughing at me when you come home. The only reason I wrote this stupid letter is because I really didn’t want to get up early to give you that bloody key-chain. Seriosuly, where do we come up with this crap? You haven't told me where you're going so I hope it's somewhere nice. Please don't do anything really stupid, and remember to bring toothpaste. Never know how long you'll be gone. If you have an idea of when you'll be back, please inform me. Just so you know, while you’re gone, I’ll be watching Liverpool and drinking. Not too much drinking though, I know you would throw a fit. Anyway, take care of yourself, love, and kick some ass. _

_ Don’t die out there, _

_ Your lawfully wedded ex-husband _

  
  


When Bobbi read Hunter’s messy letter, and attached the key-chain to the old reliable chain around her neck, she smirked and shook her head. She decided to come home, just to laugh at how much of a sap he was. That was a good enough reason for her.

 

She flipped his letter over and wrote in neat cursive:

 

_ My dear Hunter, _

_  Should be back by tonight. I'll try not to die, romantic sap. And I'm   _ always  _a badass._

_Use coasters!_

_Bobs_

  
  


***

 

When she came home, soaked to the bone from rain, with a deep gash running down the length of her arm because she decided to skip medical, Hunter was not watching Liverpool. Or drinking. He was pacing, back and forth down the hallway, as he so often did. His face brightened up when Bobbi walked in. “Bob! You’re back!” He slid over to her. “What the bloody hell happened to your arm?” he asked, a look between disgust and concern on his face.

“Some guy with a knife,” Bobbi shrugged. “I skipped medical, so…”

“Why would you skip medical, woman?” Hunter shook his head and grabbed her hand lightly. She rolled her eyes, and reluctantly trudged after him into their small bathroom.  He handed her two towels, and then put another down on the counter. “Sit,” he instructed, and then went to the cabinet in search of the first aid kit.

“You know I’m perfectly capable of sewing myself up,” Bobbi pointed out as Hunter pulled out the peroxide, needle and thread, gauze, and tape. She wrapped a towel around her shoulders, and then used the other to wring out her hair.

“Let me worry for a bit. I need practice anyway.” He hummed for a bit while he poured the peroxide onto a gauze pad.

“Fine.” Bobbi rolled her eyes again. Hunter put the gauze on her arm, and she hissed when the alcohol sept into the wound. He glanced up at her, just to check, and then went on about soccer.

“So Liverpool was up by one…” Hunter explained, and dramatically continued to give her a play by play of the game while he stitched her arm back up, one at a time. When the explanation of the game was over, and Bobbi’s eyes were drooping, he gave her arm one last wipe down with the peroxide and covered it with gauze. Her body had mostly dried by then, her hair and clothes still damp. “I’ll grab you a change of clothes, Bobs, and then we can go to bed,” Hunter said, before proceeding to walk to the bedroom. He pulled an oversized t-shirt out of the closet, not bothering to see who it belonged to, and a pair of leggings from Bobbi’s drawer. He  trudged back into the bathroom, only to find Bobbi leaning up against the mirror, fast asleep. “Bob?” he whispered. She didn’t even stir. Hunter sighed, and sat her up straight. He gently pulled her shirt off, careful not to wake her. Hunter took the clean shirt, popping it over her head and making sure none of Bobbi’s hair was caught. He turned her around, reached to her back, and unhooked her bra, as he knew if he left it she would throw a fit the next morning, because  _ god _ Hunter, those things are  _ so  _ uncomfortable.  Hunter than stood her up, the shirt hanging down to her mid-thighs. He stripped off the damp leggings and pulled the dry ones up to her waist, before taking her hair down from its ponytail. 

Bridal-style, Hunter brought his ex-wife to bed, pulling the covers back and placing her down gently. He pulled the blankets up to Bobbi’s chest, and dimmed the lights. The bathroom was next, and he mopped up the water that had ended up on the ground up with a towel, and then threw Bobbi’s dirty clothes into the hamper. Hunter proceeded to fill up two glasses of water, one with ice (for Bobbi) and one without (for him). He turned all the lights off, brought the glasses to the room, placed them down on their respective bedside tables, and got changed himself. After an eternity, he laid down next to Bobbi, her hair splayed out on her pillow, and took a moment to realize how lucky he was to have such a badass, beautiful partner. He smiled as his eyes roamed to her neck. The key-chain was still there, hung on the trusty chain. Hunter carefully undid the clasp, and reached over to place it on her nightstand. Hunter turned off his lamp, draped an arm over Bobbi, and settled in to get some well deserved sleep.


	2. So Shut Your Eyes, Kiss Me Goodbye, and Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Hunter's turn, but things don't go as planned

The second time around it was Hunter’s turn. Bobbi waited till he headed to bed, using the excuse of needing to pee. He trudged off to their bedroom, rubbing his eyes. Bobbi hid in the bathroom until the coast was clear. She heard the tell-tale squeak of the bed springs as he flopped onto the bed and then rolled over. After double-checking the hallway, she walked silently to the little desk in the living room and sat down. She pulled out a piece of paper, and a blue ballpoint pen, and stared at the paper. Half an hour later, she still hadn’t written anything. It took her 10 extra minutes to write her message to Hunter, not knowing what to write while not sounding like a cold-hearted snake or a romantic sap. Bobbi sighed, folded the paper, wrote his name in big letter on the front, and placed it like a tent on the desk. She reached around her neck and undid the chain with the Franny’s Saloon key-chain on it. Hesitating, she pulled it from the chain and set it in her hands. Bobbi smirked. She left it beside the letter and climbed into bed next to Hunter, who mumbled something ineligible and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed, content, and fell asleep.

  
  


***

 

Hunter woke up to his alarm at 3:30 in the morning, grumbling. Reluctantly, he rolled out of bed, turning the alarm off as he stood up. Carefully, as to not wake Bobbi, he grabbed his tactical gear from the closet and the pile of clothes that he had set out the night before. He walked over to Bobbi, kissed her temple, and whispered a quick goodbye before shutting the bedroom door. He got changed in the bathroom quickly, strapped his guns to various points on his body, and slid the knife Bobbi insisted he carried into his waistband. It was then he noticed that Bobbi hadn’t given him the key-chain last night. Frowning, he entered the kitchen, checking to see if she’d left it on the counter. A quick glance told him that it wasn’t there. It didn’t take him long to discover it on the desk, with a letter addressed to him standing up beside it. He twirled the key-chain around his finger and opened the letter. The neat cursive read:

 

_ To my Liverpool-loving loser, _

_ I guess we’re doing this. I really don’t have time to write letters, but I’m not one to quit things so here we are. I share your interest in wanting to maintain a normal sleep schedule, and I have to admit that this plan takes care of that as well as the goddamn key-chain. As much as I hate the baggage that stupid piece of junk carries, it does keep you grounded in the field. I would assume you’re heading somewhere cold, based on your clothing choices, so remember to bring matches and fire starters in case you get stranded. Say hi to the gang for me, and let me know when you’ll be back. I plan on finishing my book because I never have time and I plan to figure out why that girl died. Be smart, Hunter, and come home. _

_ Don’t die out there, _

_ Your lawfully wedded ex-wife _

 

“Bloody hell, Bobs, way to be wordy,” Hunter muttered to himself. He put the key-chain into a hidden pocket inside his jacket, and with a quick thought, folded the letter into it too. He grabbed a sticky note from the fridge, and wrote her a note back.

_ Dearest spawn of Satan, _

_ I’ll be gone for 3 days, max. Don't stress yourself out, love, I’ve got plenty of _

_ death avoiding tricks up my sleeve. Finish that book! And Liverpool causes me no shame. _

_ Don’t burn the house down, _

_ Lance _

 

***

Hunter didn’t come on day one or two, which was no cause for concern for Bobbi. She did, in fact, finish her book, and enjoyed it. On the third day, she began to get a little anxious, but after calling Daisy, who reminded her that he was probably stuck in debrief, she convinced herself she was just overreacting. She changed the sheets on their bed, cleaned out the fridge, and practiced with her batons the rest of the day. She went to bed with a sinking feeling in her gut. He would’ve called if he was going to be late, which only left the possibility that he was not able to contact her. That meant he was either stranded, kidnapped, or …. She wouldn’t let herself think like that. Bobbi was restless all night, tossing and turning. At 2 AM, she picked up her phone to call him but shut it off as soon as it reached voicemail.

The 4th and 5th she cleaned the rest of their flat and went out with Daisy and Jemma. It was nice to have a night just for the girls, and Bobbi had missed the easy conversation that flowed between the three of them. After telling them about the letters, Daisy swore she was going to have a heart attack because of how “adorable” it was (which earned her a special Morse eye roll), while Jemma just smiled. The scientist did notice, however, how Bobbi’s phone was always an arm’s reach away, how she kept checking it, and the change of mood whenever Hunter was brought up. After they had dropped a slightly drunk Daisy off at her house and made sure she was set for the night, Jemma stopped Bobbi.

“Are you quite sure you’re okay, Bobbi?” Jemma asked. Bobbi could see she was concerned and felt a rush of appreciation for her friend. She was about to tell Jemma, confide in her friend, and let her stress out, but then she heard the voice in the back of her head.  _ Lie,  _ it said.  _ You can’t let anyone know the truth, can’t give them a way to get to you _ . So like a good soldier, Bobbi shook her head, hugged Jemma, thanked her for her concern, and drove home. It was another very long night.

On the 6th day, she actually left him a voicemail.

_ Hey Hunter, it’s me. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. You always call when your gonna be late but you’re probably just stuck at the base somewhere or Coulson is interrogating you. Anyway, come home soon, or at least let me know when you’ll be back. Take care of yourself, nerd. Don’t die. _

The 7th day she sat by her phone all day. The eighth day she received a phone call from S.H.I.E.L.D., stating that Lance Hunter was unofficially MIA. He would be given 3 months before declared dead. Bobbi took a deep breath and told herself not to freak out. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d been declared MIA. Deciding it would be best to share her concerns with a trusted confident, she dialed the phone number of Mack and Yoyo’s condo, and waited.

“Hello?” Yoyo’s voice answered.

“Hey Yoyo. It’s Bobbi. I was just wondering if I could talk to Mack. It’s kind of important, and he was the first person I thought of. Would you min-” Bobbi cut off. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a picture of her and Hunter tacked on the bulletin board. It was one of her favorites, the two of them at their wedding. In Bobbi fashion, she had a black dress on, and Hunter’s tie had the Liverpool mascot on it. She had just smeared cake all over his face. Bobbi had been laughing, really laughing, and Hunter’s shocked face was present.  _ What if he’s actually dead, and all I have left to remember him are pictures? _ The thought was like a kick to the gut. She could feel the heat rushing behind her eyes, and screwed them shut to try to avoid it.

“Bobbi? Are you alright? Bobbi?” Yoyo was worried, the emotion dripping from her words.

“I...can’t br...breathe,” Bobbi managed to squeeze out, silently crying and trying to deny the fact.

“Bobbi, we’re on our way. Hold on.” The line went dead.

 

***

 

“Mack. MACK!” Yoyo yelled in his general direction while turning off the sink and throwing shoes on. Mack came out of his man-cave.

“What’s wrong? Is everyone ok?” Mack asked, walking slowly towards Yoyo.

“It’s Bobbi. I have no idea what’s going on but she wanted to talk to you and..” Yoyo brings her hands to her head and explodes them outwards. “Put your shoes on and let's go. I’m running us there.”

 

***

 

Bobbi felt like a failure.Years and years of rigorous training to learn how to keep her emotions in check and lie for a living, and she breaks down over Lance Hunter? She doesn't even know if he’s dead. She would’ve accepted her feelings if she had found out that he was actually dead. Now she would officially live as the specialist who cried over her missing ex-husband. Great.

She heard the opening of the front door, the thud of footsteps on tile. Bobbi immediately went into defense mode. She grabbed her gun from her bedside table, turned off the safety, and backed up to the corner. It was a night-night gun, which drove Bobbi insane but Hunter had insisted. The bedroom door opened.

Bobbi aimed at the intruder's thigh and fired. It was a woman, that was clear to Bobbi now. The lady dropped to the floor in a heap.

“Barbra?” Mack’s voice broke into her brain’s focus. 

“Mack?” If that was truly Mack, the person she shot must be….

“Yoyo? Oh no, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t even thinking, but it was one of Fitz’s night-night pistols so she should be fine…” In the time it took for Bobbi to get all that out, Mack had carried Yoyo to the couch, checked for any injuries, and returned to where Bobbi stood in the bedroom.

“Are you okay? You had Elena scared, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her run so fast.” Mack took a few steps towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

_ Lie,  _ the voice said, _ show no weakness _ . Bobbi nodded her head. “ I’m fine, no need to worry, I’m sorry I caused you all this trouble. It’s just that Hunter…” She broke off and tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. “He’s just been unofficially reported MIA, and god knows how many times  _ I’ve _ been MIA, but he always calls when he’s gonna be late, or if something's going on, and some of his teammates came back, so if he thought he was going to die he would’ve given someone the keychain…” Bobbi rambled. Mack took another step and pulled her into a hug that crushed her ribs, but it was so nice she didn’t even care. That was what it took. A hug from her oldest friend was the straw that knocked down every fortress Bobbi had built around her mind. She cried, silently, into Macks shoulder.

“He’ll come home, Bobbi. He’s too damn in love with you to die,” Mack told her firmly. She laughed a tiny bit and pulled away from Mack.

“Thanks, Mack. I mean it. And sorry about Yoyo. You guys are welcome to crash here if you want,” Bobbi offered.

“I’m just gonna call a taxi, but thanks. You take care of yourself, Barbra. And look at me,” Mack stared her down. “He’s going to come home.” Bobbi gave him a weak smile.

After they left, Bobbi went straight to bed. She put the gun back on its spot on the nightstand, turned the safety on and turned off the lights. She picked up her wedding ring from where it sat by the large picture from their wedding, kissing under an arch, with Izzy smiling in the back.

Bobbi fell asleep, fully clothed, with a familiar weight on her left hand.

 

***

He didn’t come home the 9th day. Or the 10th day. Bobbi’s hope was slowly draining. The 11th day, she prepared herself for the fact that there was a very low chance that Lance Hunter would ever make it back from his mission. On the 12th day, she received a call from Coulson, who told her he sent special orders to the search teams to do everything in their power to find Hunter. According to Coulson, May was on the team, and had mumbled something about “no one taking one of her kids and getting away with it”, so he assured her Hunter would be in good hands. On the 13th day, Daisy invited her and Jemma over for a sleepover at her place, to have a girls night. More than happy to get out of the house, Bobbi accepted. She packed her bags and arrived and Daisy’s at one o'clock. She had a great day, fooling around with her best friends. Jemma went on and on about Fitz taking her to dinner, and Daisy told them about the hot inhuman doctor she had been seeing. Bobbi was happy for her friends, truly, but the talk about boyfriends just made it ever so present in her mind that hers was probably dead.

Around 2 in the morning, the girls still up and watching a movie in the basement, Bobbi got a phone call. “Hello?” she answered. Jemma muted the TV, and she and Daisy looked at Bobbi. “This is she speaking,” Bobbi said. She nodded her head a few times, said a brisk “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” and hung up.

“Bobbi?” Daisy was hopeful, she could see it, but didn’t want to say anything in case the news wasn’t good.

“He’s back. He’s alive.” Bobbi was smiling, but something was clouding her vision. Jemma was the one to notice, as Daisy was jumping all over the place. 

“You have to go pick him up?” Jemma asked. Bobbi nodded. “I’ll walk you out,” Jemma said and told Daisy she would come back down soon. Daisy gave Bobbi a huge hug and told Hunter she was happy he was back.

“Will do,” Bobbi chuckled. She followed Jemma up the stairs. Right in front of the door, Jemma stopped her.

“Something’s wrong,” Jemma said. It wasn’t a question. “What did they say?” There was a long silence

“He was tortured,” Bobbi finally said. She shivered. Ward’s torture was still carried with her, wherever she went. She couldn’t imagine what Hunter went through. He had been held for twice as long as her by the Russian government. “The only thing they told me was that they shot his team in front of him and he had to watch them bleed out and…” She swallowed. “They left him in a cell with the bodies. He told them about the shooting thing, and they inferred about the cell. He’s a mess. They said he keeps asking for me, but he can’t leave the base until he gets a psych evaluation. The base is hours away, I’m not gonna get there for another 2 days.”

“I have an idea,” Jemma said and went to the kitchen. She picked up the phone, dialed a number, and talked in a low voice for a minute. She hung up and walked back over. “Your ride will be here in a second.” Jemma gave her a tight hug, told her to let Hunter know that everyone was thinking about him, and ushered her out the door. Standing outside was a half-asleep Yoyo.

“How can I help?” 

 

***

Not even 5 minutes later, they were at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base. Coulson and May were waiting for them outside. Yoyo greeted them, and the said goodbye as she raced off to home. “I’m sorry about the hour Bobbi, but we thought it was best that he saw you,” Coulson explained as they walked. “We would’ve liked to send him home, but he’s…” Coulson struggled to find the words. “He’s in a bad place right now.”

Bobbi nodded and listened to May’s account of how Hunter’s rescue went. She didn’t realize she was crying until she saw the water dripping onto her shirt. To her surprise, May pulled her into a hug. Bobbi froze for a second, and then relaxed.

“He’ll be fine. You know those Brits are tough to crack,” May joked. Bobbi chuckled half-heartedly and wiped her face on her sleeve.

“Can I see him now?” she asked quietly.

Coulson gave a quick nod and charged through security. He was a man on a mission, and with two of the most formidable agents S.H.I.E.L.D had to offer, no one tried to stop him. The quickly arrived at the barracks.

“We’ve had to keep it locked, for his sake and everyone else's,” Coulson said. “We have cameras in there, so if you need something we’ll know.”

“Thank you,” Bobbi said. She squared her shoulders, set her jaw, and walked into the room.

***

At first glance, no one was in the room. It was only Bobbi’s training that made her notice the unnatural shadow that was reflected from under the bed. “Lance?” Bobbi whispered, crouching down. She could see him now, a dark shape with wide, scared eyes, knees pulled as close to his chest as possible. He was fiddling with something in his hand.

“Bob? Is that...Is that really you?” His voice was raspy, whether from screaming or lack of use was unclear. He emerged from under the bed slowly, and once his entire body was in view, Bobbi wished he had stayed under it. His entire face was bruised, a black eye and a broken nose the most prominent. The eye that wasn’t swollen shut had a gash running almost through it, from his hairline to his eyelid. His arms had various cuts running down them. Two of his fingers were broken. His right knee was swollen to the size of a balloon. He looked terrible.

“Yeah...I’m here, in all my she-devil glory,” Bobbi tried to joke.

“Bloody hell, I missed you,” Hunter sighed, and pulled her into as much of a hug as sitting on the floor would allow.

“I missed you, too,” Bobbi whispered.

When they finally pulled away, Hunter picked up her hand. “You’re wearing your wedding ring!” He exclaimed, sounding almost like the old Hunter.

“I am. I thought you were…” She didn’t elaborate.

“I wish I was,” Hunter muttered.

Bobbi turned hersel f so her entire body was facing him. “Don’t,” She kissed his forehead, “you” she kissed his cheek, “ever,” she kissed the other one, “say” she placed a kiss on his nose, “that.” SHe finally kissed him on the lips, slowly and gently.

He sighed. “Can you stay tonight?” he asked, looking at the ground.

“I’m not leaving.” She stood up and pulled him to his feet. Holding his good hand, she walked over to the bed and pulled the sheets back. He climbed in first, as Bobbi couldn’t stand being next to the wall, and she followed him. Hunter put his arms around her, and she rested her head on his chest. Hunter drifted off first, and Bobbi soon after. First, however, she saw that his hand was clenched around something. Carefully opening his fingers, she saw that it was the keychain. 

 

For the first time in 2 weeks, Bobbi Morse really smiled.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from MCR's "Sleep"
> 
> More angst next chapter XD Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Work Title from My Chemical Romance's "Cancer"
> 
> Chapter title from My Chemical Romance's "Helena"
> 
> I'm weird and have a band for all my otps XD  
> Hope you enjoyed! xxx


End file.
